So today has dealt me quite an emotional blow. I was just looking under my bed for some papers my mom was looking for (she was living in my room while I was away at school and this woman is ridiculously unorganized) when I found a letter addressed to me from my dad. My biological father. Who, from what I was told, last saw me when I was only a year old and then never tried to get in contact with me again. Tried to get in contact with my mom, but not me. And now I'm learning that's pretty much horse shit. He wrote me this long letter for my third birthday about how much he regretted not being there to watch me grow up and how much he missed me. He kept saying he was sorry for how what happened between him and my mom had affected me so unfairly. And how much he loved me. I don't know how to feel now. Part of me wants to be so angry and pissed off at my mom for not showing me this earlier, but I know she was probably trying to protect me. My dad did a lot of really fucked up shit when they were together right before and after I was born. But this letter makes me feel like he wasn't the completely heartless monster my mom has always told me he was. Now I feel like it's too late to even go looking for him, even though it's something I've always wanted to do. But then it was always more of a "to know if he's even alive because he probably won't care thing" and now it's more like "holy shit I actually have (had?) a Dad who did care. That I'll never know. Also there was a birthday card my half sister made in there too. Who I haven't seen or heard from since I was five. I just now figured out she's 8 years older that me. Something I never knew before. She was only 11 when she made the card, so of course she did the typical "list everyone who says hi" thing. Which is basically more family members I never even knew existed. Now I don't know what to do. I've read the letter several times already. And I cry every time. I think what always gets me is how his cursive handwriting looks almost just like mine.