Come Original

So this weekend was probably the last "fun" weekend of the semester. Now it's just cramming in last minute assignments and studying my ass off for finals. SO EXCITED. Not. Well in a way I kind of want to get it all over with and get summer started. But then I think of what I'm going home to and I wish I could rewind time a little. I think things will be a little bit better now though. I have plans. Which I'm going to follow through with because I've changed a lot this year. I've learned that there are always people who will be there for you. You may not realize it right away until you start to think about the little things. Like who will drag their ass out of bed at two in the morning just so you can drunkenly cry on their shoulder. Or who will be defending you even when you're not around. I've also realized I've changed into who I want to be as a person, and I care less about who other people want me to be. I gotta say, it feels fucking wonderful to only be living up to my own expectations. And that sometimes, you just gotta say "fuck it" and do what you want and worry a hell of a lot less about the consequences afterwards. I used to beat myself up over every little thing I did. Now I don't. And honestly, a lot of the things I regretted really weren't that big of a deal anyway. Although things are still a little fucked up, I feel better than I have in a long long time. I'm still fending off reality with large amounts of booze, but it's in less of a "oh God I simply can't handle anything right now" way and more of a "well tits. I'll deal with that shit later let's go have some fun" kind of way. Which is exactly what I did last night. I danced on hay bales. Which in my mind right now, is the equivalent of dancing on a bar. No fucks were given, and it was fantastic.