Ups and Downs.

I feel like I've flipped my life over completely in just the past few months. I'm doing all these things I've always been afraid of and I'm letting myself feel like I never have before. Oh the feels! But part of me kind of feels shitty about it. Because I've been told several times that I don't deserve this and part of me believes that. I mean let's think about this, I'm the one who always lied and cheated and bullshitted my way out of anything genuine because honestly I was chicken shit. And now I look at some of my friends who never did half the shit I have and they're unhappy. How is that fair? It can't be. It just baffles me that it's happening. I've found this person who reminds me of all the cheesy shit I've read and ever wanted and I'm looking at apartments with them and I wake up smiling because they're there and as far as I'm believing that's where they're staying. But then I look around to some of my friends and what are they doing? Trying to get over someone who broke them down. Trying to move on and becoming someone they're definitely not. I don't know how this is fair. I can't believe that it actually is. And that makes me feel pretty shitty.